A room in DOCTOR
CAIUS’ house.[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY,
SIMPLE, and RUGBY]
MISTRESS QUICKLY What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go
to the casement, and see if you can see my master, Master
Doctor Caius, coming. If he do, i’ faith, and find any body
in the house, here will be an old abusing of God’s patience
and the king’s English.
RUGBY I’ll go watch.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Go; and we’ll have a posset for’t
soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.
[Exit RUGBY]
An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant
shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no
tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,
that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish
that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let
that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?
SIMPLE Ay, for fault of a better.
MISTRESS QUICKLY And Master Slender’s your master?
SIMPLE Ay, forsooth.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Does he not wear a great round beard,
like a glover’s paring-knife?
SIMPLE No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a
little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.
MISTRESS QUICKLY A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
SIMPLE Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands
as any is between this and his head; he hath fought
with a warrener.
MISTRESS QUICKLY How say you? O, I should remember
him: does he not hold up his head, as it were,
and strut in his gait?
SIMPLE Yes, indeed, does he.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Well,
heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune!
Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your
master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish–
[Re-enter RUGBY]
RUGBY Out, alas! here comes my master.
MISTRESS QUICKLY We shall all be shent. Run in here,
good young man; go into this closet: he will not stay long.
[Shuts SIMPLE in the closet]
What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!
Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt
he be not well, that he comes not home.
[Singing]
And down, down, adown-a, &c.
[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS]
DOCTOR CAIUS Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys.
Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert,
a box, a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Ay, forsooth; I’ll fetch it you.
[Aside]
I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found
the young man, he would have been horn-mad.
DOCTOR CAIUS Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud.
Je m’en vais a la cour–la grande affaire.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Is it this, sir?
DOCTOR CAIUS Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly.
Vere is dat knave Rugby?
MISTRESS QUICKLY What, John Rugby! John!
RUGBY Here, sir!
DOCTOR CAIUS You are John Rugby,
and you are Jack Rugby. Come, take-a your rapier,
and come after my heel to the court.
RUGBY ‘Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
DOCTOR CAIUS By my trot, I tarry too long. Od’s me!
Qu’ai-j’oublie! dere is some simples in my closet,
dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Ay me, he’ll find the young man here,
and be mad!
DOCTOR CAIUS O diable, diable! vat is in my closet?
Villain! larron!
[Pulling SIMPLE out]
Rugby, my rapier!
MISTRESS QUICKLY Good master, be content.
DOCTOR CAIUS Wherefore shall I be content-a?
MISTRESS QUICKLY The young man is an honest man.
DOCTOR CAIUS What shall de honest man do in my closet?
dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet.
MISTRESS QUICKLY I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic.
Hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from
Parson Hugh.
DOCTOR CAIUS Vell.
SIMPLE Ay, forsooth; to desire her to–
MISTRESS QUICKLY Peace, I pray you.
DOCTOR CAIUS Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.
SIMPLE To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid,
to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my
master in the way of marriage.
MISTRESS QUICKLY This is all, indeed, la! but I’ll ne’er
put my finger in the fire, and need not.
DOCTOR CAIUS Sir Hugh send-a you?
Rugby, baille me some paper.
Tarry you a little-a while.
[Writes]
MISTRESS QUICKLY [Aside to SIMPLE] I am glad he is
so quiet: if he had been thoroughly moved, you should
have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But
notwithstanding, man, I’ll do you your master what good
I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor,
my master,–I may call him my master, look you, for I
keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,
scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do
all myself,–
SIMPLE [Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY] ‘Tis a great charge
to come under one body’s hand.
MISTRESS QUICKLY [Aside to SIMPLE] Are you avised o’ that?
you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early
and down late; but notwithstanding,–to tell you in
your ear; I would have no words of it,–my master
himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but
notwithstanding that, I know Anne’s mind,–that’s
neither here nor there.
DOCTOR CAIUS You jack’nape, give-a this letter to Sir
Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee
ark; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle
or make. You may be gone; it is not good you tarry here.
By gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not
have a stone to throw at his dog:
[Exit SIMPLE]
MISTRESS QUICKLY Alas, he speaks but for his friend.
DOCTOR CAIUS It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you
tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar,
I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine
host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I
will myself have Anne Page.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Sir, the maid loves you,
and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate:
what, the good-jer!
DOCTOR CAIUS Rugby, come to the court with me.
By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head
out of my door. Follow my heels, Rugby.
[Exeunt DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY]
MISTRESS QUICKLY You shall have An fool’s-head of
your own. No, I know Anne’s mind for that: never a
woman in Windsor knows more of Anne’s mind than I do;
nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven.
FENTON [Within] Who’s within there? ho!
MISTRESS QUICKLY Who’s there, I trow!
Come near the house, I pray you.
[Enter FENTON]
FENTON How now, good woman? how dost thou?
MISTRESS QUICKLY The better that it pleases your
good worship to ask.
FENTON What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?
MISTRESS QUICKLY In truth, sir, and she is pretty,
and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend,
I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it.
FENTON Shall I do any good, thinkest thou?
shall I not lose my suit?
MISTRESS QUICKLY Troth, sir, all is in his hands above:
but notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I’ll be sworn on a
book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart
above your eye?
FENTON Yes, marry, have I; what of that?
MISTRESS QUICKLY Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith,
it is such another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever
broke bread: we had an hour’s talk of that wart. I
shall never laugh but in that maid’s company! But
indeed she is given too much to allicholy and
musing: but for you–well, go to.
FENTON Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there’s money
for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if
thou seest her before me, commend me.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Will I? i’faith, that we will;
and I will tell your worship more of the wart the next
time we have confidence; and of other wooers.
FENTON Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Farewell to your worship.
[Exit FENTON]
Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not;
for I know Anne’s mind as well as another does. Out
upon’t! what have I forgot?
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